6 Questions You Should Be Asking

The Self-Awareness Gap

"Feedback is a gift, even when it doesn’t feel like it." - Kim Scott

Let’s start with an uncomfortable truth: you’re probably not as self-aware as you think you are. Okay I said it. One of the most important traits for career success is self-awareness, and it’s no surprise when I ask a room full of people to "raise your hand if you think you’re self-aware," almost every hand goes up. Throughout my career, I’ve worked with hundreds of people and I’ve received all sorts of feedback. Some good, some bad, some ugly! But the way I see it, knowledge about yourself is always useful.

According to research by organisational psychologist Dr. Tasha Eurich, only 10-15% of people are genuinely self-aware. That’s right, despite around 95% of us believing we know ourselves inside and out, most of us are in fact wandering through life, blind to our own behaviours, patterns, and impact. This discrepancy is known as the "self-awareness gap." This is where overconfidence in our ability to be self-aware clouds our judgement, and creates a disconnect between how we see ourselves and how others perceive us.

Research shows that people who see themselves accurately are more confident, creative, and effective at making decisions. They build stronger relationships and are better communicators. In other words, self-awareness isn’t just a popular personal development phrase, it can be a real competitive advantage. 

So what does it mean to be self-aware?

The Four Self-Awareness Archetypes

Dr. Eurich’s research reveals that we tend to fall into four categories when it comes to self-awareness:

Introspectors – They know who they are but fail to understand how they’re perceived by others. Great at self-reflection, not so great at receiving feedback. This blind spot holds them back.

Seekers – They’re unsure of who they are and struggling to see themselves clearly. When they actively search for insights they feel frustrated and confused by the feedback.

Pleasers – They are highly aware of how others see them, but overlook themselves in the process. They become overly concerned with external perceptions and tend to make choices that do not align with what they really want.

Aware – They know who they are. These people balance both internal and external awareness, understanding themselves and how they are viewed by others.

If you're reading this thinking, “I must be ‘Aware’ I’m not like most other people,” hold on a second. Remember, odds are you might be overestimating your level of self-awareness too. 

So, how do we bridge the self-awareness gap? Well, firstly we have to start by asking for feedback. Yes, it feels awkward, and yes, it’s not all going to be positive, but feedback is one of the fastest ways to see yourself more accurately. 

*Warning ⚠️ Not all feedback is created equal. The key is to ask for feedback from someone who respects you and has good intentions. You don’t want a “yes person,” nor do you want someone who’s going to critique you unfairly. You need someone who can give you honest, thoughtful criticism. And when you ask, try to be ready for honest answers. 

Here are six questions that I’ve found incredibly useful when asking for feedback:

1. What skill or talent do I have that is currently under-utilised? This question forces the other person to think about your strengths in a way that may surprise you. Often, we overlook our most valuable talents.
   

2. What is something I do that unintentionally detracts the team from success? Ouch. This one is tough but we all have behaviours or habits that, despite our best intentions, can be unproductive. Understanding these blind spots is crucial.
   

3. How would you describe my style of communication? Good communication is essential for every relationship—professional or personal. Knowing how you come across can help you adjust and improve how you work with other people.
   

4. What is my biggest strength? / How do I best contribute? Understanding what you do well is just as important as learning about your weaknesses.

5. What is my biggest weakness? How does this hold me back? Proceed with caution, this one never feels good, but it’s a necessary question if you want to become self-aware. Identifying your weaknesses provides you with useful information to make changes and improve. 

6. What book or podcast would you recommend to help me develop personally or professionally? I love this question because it lays the groundwork for further exploration. I can honestly say some books have changed my career and life. If someone makes a recommendation, make the time to read the book. 

One last thing - the harsh truth is that most of us are introspective at times, so we’re convinced we know ourselves but in reality, we all have blind spots. The good news? Self-awareness is a skill that can be developed, but it requires humility and a willingness to seek out the uncomfortable truths. Have the courage to ask some of these questions. Feedback can be a gift that keeps on giving. 

Thank you for reading!

*I’m brand new to Substack so if you found this helpful (or you know someone who could maybe do with reading it 😉) Go ahead and share it with your colleagues, friends, and other strangers on the internet.